Frustrated Heres the one secret to never getting angry again

Frustrated Heres the one secret to never getting angry againFrustrated Heres the one secret to never getting angry againWe all get frustrated.The guyin front of you is driving like an idiot.Your boss is being a jerk. Your partnerisnt listening.And sometimes these all happen to you onthe same day.Whats the fix for this?One guy came up with a solution that deals with all of these problems - and more.Albert Ellis welches quite a character. He was controversial. Outspoken. A bit of a rebel.In fact, the book hes most famous for was titledHow To Stubbornly Refuse To Make Yourself Miserable About Anything-yes, Anything.Clever but a bit unprofessional, right? Heres the thing according to a surveyof psychologists he was the 2nd most influential psychotherapist ever. Sigmund Freud came in third.His stuff works. And its as simple as ABCD - quite literally, as youll see below.So how can you never be frustrated again?Lets break it down.The tyranny of shouldLets cut to the chase, shall we? Heres what you need totake away from Ellis workYoudont get frustratedbecause of events. You getfrustratedbecause of your beliefs.And where did this idea start? Ancient philosophy. Stoicism. Thats where Ellis found the concept. And then he proved it really worked.ViaHow To Stubbornly Refuse To Make Yourself Miserable About Anything-yes, Anythingif you understand how you upset yourself by slipping into irrational shoulds, oughts, demands, and commands, unconsciously sneaking them into your thinking, you can just about always stop disturbing yourself about anything.Youre stuck in traffic and that makes you angry, right? Wrong.besucherzahlen happens. But you think it shouldnt happen to you.And the thing thats making you miserable is that word should.Heres an example. Isay, This headache remedy probably wont work but give it a shot. So you try it. And it doesnt work. Youre leid frustrated.Okay, same situationbut I say, This always works. It fails. Now youre annoyed. What changed? Your expecta tion.Or you tell a five-year old to stop yelling. They dont listen. You dont get that bothered. After all, the kid is five.But if you tell me to stop yelling and I dont listen, you get angry. Whats different? Eric shouldstop. Hes an adult.Again, nothing changed but your belief.Pretty straightforward, right? But that leads to a question how do you change your beliefs? Ellis has an answer.(For more on a fun way to be happier and more successful, click here.)The universe is not taking orders from you. (Sorry)Its as simple as ABCD. Really.A is adversity. Traffic is awful.B is your beliefs. And often theyre irrational. This shouldnt happen to me. Well, guess what, Bubba? It is happening.C is consequences. You get angry, frustrated or depressed.In very few cases can you change A. But you can change B. And that will change C. So lets bring in the 4th letter.D Dispute your irrational beliefs.Wait a second. When did the universe guarantee me a trouble-free existence? It didnt. Traffic has ha ppened before. It will happen again. And I will survive.Look for beliefs that hold the words should, ought or must. Thats where the problems lie.Youre allowed to wish, want and desire. Nobody is saying you need to be an emotionless lump.ViaHow To Stubbornly Refuse To Make Yourself Miserable About Anything-yes, AnythingI would very much like or prefer to have success, approval, or comfort, and then end with the conclusion, But I dont have to have it. I wont die without it. And I could be happy (though not as happy) without it.But you cant demand the universe bend to your will. Thats where the frustration and anger creep in - because thatgodlike insistence isnt rational.ViaHow To Stubbornly Refuse To Make Yourself Miserable About Anything-yes, AnythingWhen you insist, however, that you always must have or do something, you often think in this way Because I would very much like or prefer to have success, approval, or pleasure, I absolutely, under practically all conditions, must have it. And if I dont get it, as I completely must, its awful, I cant stand it, I am an inferior person for not arranging to get it, and the world is a horrible place for not giving me what I must have I am sure that Ill never get it, and therefore I cant be happy at allWhen youre angry, frustrated or depressed look for those irrational beliefs.People should treat me kindly and fairly all the time. Sound rational? Hardly.I ought tosucceed at this. If I dont, Im a failure and a loser. Really?This person must love me back or Ill die. No, no, no you wont.ViaHow To Stubbornly Refuse To Make Yourself Miserable About Anything-yes, AnythingWhat were you anxious or overconcerned about? Meeting new people? Doing well at work? Winning the approval of a person you liked? Passing a test or a course? Doing well at a job interview? Winning a game of tennis or chess? Getting into a good school? Learning that you have a serious disease? Being treated unfairly?Look for your command or demand for success or approval that was creating your anxiety or overconcern. What was your should, ought, or must?Is disputing your irrational beliefs goingto immediately change everything? No.But when you start disputing youll see that your expectations arent in line with reality. And with a little work, those expectations will start to change.(For more happiness lifehacks you can learn from ancient philosophy, click here.)Sum upIts as simple as ABCD. Next time youre turning red and clenching your fists, give this a shotA is Adversity.Like traffic. Sorry,no genie can let you wish it away.B is Beliefs. Look for beliefs with thesetroublesome words should, ought and must. Traffic shouldnt be this schwimmbad. Not rational. Traffic is what it is.Sorry.C is Consequences. Youbanging the steering wheel with your fist and sending your blood pressure into the stratosphere.D is Dispute.Are you demandingthe universe and everyone bend to your wishes? Is that rational? No way. You can want, you can wish and you can definitely try your best in the future, but you cannot demand if you want to stay happy and sane.Life is not perfect. People arent perfect. You, dear reader, are not perfect. And thats okay. But having beliefs thatany of these things should be the way you want causes you a lot of unnecessary suffering.Many of your irrationalbeliefs are not immediately obvious. Sometimes youll have to dig to find them. And youll need to dispute them a fair amount before new reasonable beliefs kick in. But you can definitely make progress.What did Epictetus, the great Stoic philosopher, say way back in the first century AD?People are disturbed not by things, but by the views they take of them.What did Shakespeare write in Hamlet?Theres nothing either good or bad but thinking makes it so.How about theBuddha?We are what we think. All that we are arises with our thoughts. With our thoughts we make the world.Rarely can you change the world. But you can always change your thoughts.And that canmake you very happy.Join over 180,000 readers.Get a free weekly update via emailhere.Related postsNew Harvard Research Reveals A Fun Way To Be More SuccessfulThe 8 Things The Happiest People Do Every DayHow To Stop Being Lazy And Get More Done 5 Expert TipsThis article originally appeared at Barking Up the Wrong Tree.